i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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