fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
