I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
