Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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