its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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