My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
