I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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