he thought i was a dude.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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