I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
