I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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