You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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