she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
