I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
