you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We have started to decorate penises.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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