i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
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I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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