She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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