I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How's work?
Spinning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
