it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
