He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
