i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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