Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
