I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
