I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
