You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
