make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
