you guys were way drunker than both of me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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