Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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