just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
