Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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