i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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