we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
