We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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