My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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