The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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