if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
