So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
