i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
