Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
