How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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