hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Pappa wants mamma naked
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
