I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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