I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
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I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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