I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
