Define "chronic" masturbator.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
