I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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