i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
