i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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