I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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