pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
