help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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