Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
