but the lizard people decide everything anyway
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
