Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
