just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
