I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
