The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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