What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
