I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
