dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
