I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
