Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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