Ketchup is God's man juice
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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