you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
