you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
