I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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