I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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