ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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