You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
