my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
