the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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