So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
