So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
