So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
