You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
