Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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