so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
