Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
