Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
