The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They took my balls.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
